MY DEAREST RON

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Life can change.

At the snap of your fingers.

In the blink of an eye.

In her first article, Janice introduced us to her life with husband Ron Harris.

Ron passed away from mesothelioma on February 13, 2010.

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By Janice Hayward . First Published in Island Gals Magazine . 2011 . Volume 1 . Issue 4

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My Dearest Ron,

It has been a mere few months since you had to leave me.

I often vividly recall our last moments together: I holding your hand and gently stroking your forehead as a mother would a sick child’s; you in your cozy jammies, peacefully lying curled on your side as a sick, motionless child would.

Your breaths are scant, soft and shallow. And then the last… We both knew it was coming.

You are my brave, brave husband.

You have raised the bar: your courage, your graciousness, your love and yes, even your humor to the very end.

I visited Jill (our metaphysical counsellor).

Do you recall how accurate she was when we last visited?

She tells me your illness took its toll on you.

As well, the journey from life to death can be exhausting — as it is when we leave the mother’s womb during birth. Jill also tells me you have gone to a healing place.

Rest, my love, get well and enjoy your new world.

Husband, I miss you so.

With you in my life, I was loved for who I am. I was beautiful and sexy.

With you in my life, I was intelligent and witty, and I was spontaneous and energized.

Ronald, with you in my life, I was as complete as a woman could be.

For that I will be forever grateful.

Alone now,

I am searching for the strength, the strength to discover that level of completeness from within my own being.

I will not lie.

The pain of a broken heart is agonizing and debilitating.

I am struggling, struggling with what some consider uncomplicated: walking without crying, putting in a full day’s work, settling into a routine and being in the company of many.

Occasionally, I find peace.

Peace is our home, our boat.

Life and time aboard Ta Daa is my salvation.

Save for Winston, I go alone. I am not ready to share my space — our space — with others.

Thank you for teaching me all I know.

You imparted your knowledge, instilled confidence and encouraged me to do what most women would not.

I have skippered and piloted Ta Daa to familiar places. It has brought me great comfort, with countless tears, to retrace our routes. I have also ventured to a few new spots. You would have loved the new anchorages.

I have logged a thousand nautical miles. I have navigated rapids and narrows, crossed the Salish Sea, explored new coves and anchored alone. I know you are proud of me, and that alone brings me great comfort.

The children are doing well.

They soldier onwards, influenced and inspired by your spirit.

With eternal love and until we meet again…

Janice

your wife

your partner

your friend

and your lover.

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In following articles, Janice will share with you a candid account

of her journey through grief and life aboard Ta Daa.

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