SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING...JUST A MOM
- Elaine Smithers
- Dec 19, 2025
- 3 min read
Through my work and in other social situations, I have been noticing that when asking women about what they do in their daily lives, I often get “Oh, I’m just a stay-at-home mom”.
I always wonder why they think they are “just” moms.
It is truly wonderful what has been accomplished by and for women in the last century.
Equal rights and opportunities at home, in society and in a career setting. We have come so far that it seems being a stay-at-home mother is an exception. Double income families have become the rule, and we have shaped our society and education to fit that choice of lifestyle. At the same time, life has become expensive, especially in a city like Victoria, to the point where having a double income household is no longer a choice but a requirement to keep a family afloat.
The consequence is that from a very early age on, children are put in daycare while mothers return to the workforce. At age five, they are entered into the school system. As a result, children spend more time being raised by strangers than they spend time with their own parents.
When I look at my neighbour who is fortunate enough to raise her two little girls from home, it is easy to spot the benefits that the children get from such a close upbringing. They get to take an active role in all the daily tasks that maintain the household, something children love doing, and beyond that they get to putter around with mommy in the garden and around the neighbourhood until they are old enough to go to school.
Children learn so much just from spending time with their parents.
Their world reaches way beyond the confines of the daycare and all their experiences are shared with the parents themselves, rather than an early childhood educator.
As a result of women becoming equals in the workforce, it seems many feel they should be ambitious and have aspirations of a fulfilling, well-paying career like their spouses. You are expected to do so, right? It almost seems that being “just a mom” is a second-rate life choice, something that does not command respect the way a full time career does. To some extent, the independence that women have won seems to have backfired on the way they regard their traditional roles as mothers.
But, to be a mother is a 24 hour “thankless” job!
Mothers don’t get the recognition that comes with doing a good job for an employer, there are no scheduled lunch breaks or time away to take for yourself. Nor is there a paycheck every month.
But isn’t it so worth it?
I have tremendous respect for motherhood and from an early age I have known that I wanted to be a mother. I also really want to be able to spend time with my children, and watch them grow. People always say “family comes first”, in a crisis maybe!
As for our day to day lives, family comes after work.
When daydreaming about my own future motherhood, I realized that simply isn’t good enough. I want to work to live not live to work. I want to call the shots in my own life and truly be able to make my family a priority.
I am excited to start a family (next year hopefully), but in the meantime, I’m trying to set myself up for success. I have opened my own little aesthetics business just off Oak Bay Ave. Spiral Tree Day Spa is a space I have created to give people a chance to relax and be pampered even if only for an hour. I don’t like using harsh chemicals, so I have kept it as green as I can. The thing I like most about owning my own business is that it’s always growing and evolving.
I guess in a way it’s like being a mother...
By Elaine Smithers . First Published in Island Gals Magazine . 2012 . Volume 2 . Issue 2 .
