BETRAYAL . CHAPTER 1
- Kate Larsen
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
VIEW ALL KATE LARSEN ARTICLES
One woman’s true story as she discovers her husband’s infidelity after eighteen years of marriage.
Two and a half years later, Kate Larsen takes an honest look at the footprints behind her – searching desperately for meaning in a painful past, and a way to walk her future down a sunny street in Italy with a heart full of joy – and all the love and faith she can carry.
CHAPTER ONE
The Descent
I found a key.
I opened my eyes one morning and there it was on the floor, sitting there on top of my pants. It was an old key. A door key.
Fallen out of his pocket and sitting there on my pants from yesterday.
I felt a hard thunk in my chest. Like a door locking. Or was it unlocking? I got up and put the key in the pocket of my pajama bottoms – portentous and heavy.
I felt like I was turning to the last page of a long story.
I believe there are moments in life that rise up like iceberg tips for us to see; subterranean urgings to look, wake up, open your eyes, this is not just another day.
My story starts with one of those moments.
It was the last day of school before summer vacation and he was lying on the deck with his shirt off in the sun – late June afternoon sun. The phone rang as it always rang.
She called him daily – once, twice, day or night – they worked together, too much.
It was his voice on the phone that jerked me awake. Although I couldn’t hear the words, his voice was intimate. He was soothing her, talking to her like … what?… like a lover. That was “my voice’’ - the one he used to use with me.
The blood in my veins turned to ice.
I asked him if he was falling for her. He said “no, of course not”. I told him about the iceberg and he said, “you’re wrong. ...you’ve got it all wrong”. I told him my fears and he swore his love only for me. He pacified me. He talked me away from what I knew.
And so I learned to mistrust my instincts. I chose him.
I chose to believe in him and the past and not in myself.
This was my biggest mistake.
And I made it over and over again.
Each time “I knew”, I asked, and each time he deflected me – sometimes he got angry at me or called me crazy, sometimes he pacified and comforted me with excuses, sometimes he accused me of snooping (I did – I read his email at the beginning – until he changed his password).
And each time I chose to believe him.
I lost faith in myself and was sure of nothing.
Looking back now, I see this as his biggest crime against me.
A family in our pumpkin shell, we were living a false life of lies and unspoken truths. On the surface it all looked the same; breakfasts and dinners and work and children and gardens and talking and making plans and making love.
But one of us was lying and one was going crazy.
Where were the lovers who had looked into each other’s eyes
and fallen together like two drops of water? Where was my love?
There are days on the calendar that never go by without notice. There is Christmas, and April Fool’s Day and, for me there is November 23rd, 2007 – Iceberg Day. I had just dropped him off for a rehearsal and I was sitting outside the bank when my phone rang. It was my teenage daughter. She was babysitting for my husband’s coworker.
“Mom, oh my God, mom…something terrible has happened”
Are you okay? Are the kids okay?
“Yes. It’s me. I think I’m going to be sick”
I’m coming over right now. Are you okay till I get there?
“I have to get out of here. Oh mom, nothing will ever be the same again.” She was crying.
And I knew.
As I drove to the house in the dark with my pounding heart, I knew. When I got there I hugged my sweet daughter and she showed me what she had found. An open email …. “Tonight? After hockey? Yes.” and more emails; “ I love kissing you. Your words are so beautiful, give me more…I can still smell you in my bed…I want you all day.”
I hit it. I hit the iceberg.
My first thought as I was drowning?
I’m not crazy.
...to be continued...
By Kate Larsen . First Published in Island Gals Magazine . 2011 . Volume 1 . Issue 1
